she gonna teach me how to swim~

Friday is always good. Today is no exception to that rule. My classes began today at 10. Behavior analysis was our lab, which will be from now and forever on days where we take quizzes. We have to get over 90% on the quizzes or we have to retake them. I think I may have to retake the next one but it isn't a huge deal. I just think I missed three questions instead of the two that's allowed, so that really sucks. If we get 90 or above on all of our quizzes we don't have to take the final! So I'm really hoping I'll do well in this whole quiz thing. The quiz took about fifteen minutes and then I went to go get a warm drink before psych 265 which was our lab class where we work on problems and homework. I was finished with my assignment by 11:30 so I got out of class early. I really like that class even though its stats. The teacher is really nice and I like the way she teaches. Way nice.
And apparently for first semester, I was "academically distinguished" for having a good GPA for fall semester.. I didn't realize mine was all that good, but awesome none the less.

And I just checked my quiz results, I only got one wrong. Fantastic!
And Ian texted me this morning and it made me smile real big when I got back to my room and saw it. So, joy.

Tonight I might go see In Bruges at the film place. I'm so excited. . I hope we do go see it tonight, the people I usually hang out with are wanting to go out to a party or something. I really don't want to, but I might tag along just to hopefully meet some new people, but at the same time I'm betting on probably hating it so I don't know if I want to waste my time especially because earlier this week I freaked out real big and it was not a fun situation and I don't want to do that again anytime soon.

I'm also joining this psych book discussion group that meets every other Friday. It will have psych faculity so I'll get to meet them and they'll see me as a "driven student" and it will definitely distinguish me from the rest of the psych students and that's a way to get into the austism program, which is something I'm interested in again.

Ah, yeah. That's my Friday.

I feel hollow right now. Like I'm made of empty. I want to curl up in my bed and not take any visitors. Except there is no visitors, but if there were, I could deny them to make myself feel better. I guess. Pah.

I feel like I don't want to be around people but maybe I'm just subconsciously thinking that because there really isn't anyone that wants to be around me. I'm really bad at making friends. I've never really been as aware of it as I am now. It's never really bothered me until now-- just surrounded by people all over who are friends. At my parent's house it's more of, oh, if I'm alone it's fine because I'm not constantly on the outside of people laughing, hanging out and being around each other and everything. Part of me really wants to be with them, just laughing. But I don't know how and I'm pretty sure the most of me really doesn't want to, either.

My classes this semester seem nice, from the ones I've experienced so far.
Psych 281 looks joyful. I talked to the girl I sat next to, but I don't know her name. She was nice, I guess. Psych 265 is good. Going to be hard, maybe I can talk to the people around me. But I don't know. Mrr.
Phil 150 is kind of depressing because its in a huge lecture hall. There's this one really cool looking girl who has half a buzz cut and really interesting hair. I think she's a freshman. I want to talk to her but I don't know how to. She sits in the back corner, maybe I'll sit near there. But she doesn't look too incredibly social. Maybe I'll just creep on her, majorly. My phil 377 looks pretty neat-- there's this one girl who looks gay. And a really pretty girl named Pia who has a nape piercing that looks really cool. Everyone in that class is older than me, I think, but whatever, I don't care.

I wish people would just talk to me, I hate being the first one to have to talk to anyone, ever, ugh. I'm so bad at social. I have my first day back at work today, which is going to be returning caller training and then calling right after-- so yeah. I'm scared of that too because it's a lot of phone social out of nowhere since I haven't done it for so long. Mrrrrrrr. I hate social. And no friends.
Casey might get a telefund job! That'd be awesome.

Mrrrr.
Mrrrrrrrr, mrrr. I want this week to be over but at the same time what am I gonna do on the weekend? Ah well. Mrr.

1/25

Today was so much fun. Everyone I know came back today, practically, and we all hung out. Me and Casey went over to Kayla's today and watched Rebel Without A Cause and then David came over. Later, Josh appeared out of pretty much nowhere and then Bri came back. And it was joyful because everyone was back. And I finally had something to do with people.
We took a really long time to watch the entire movie because we kept pausing it and just talking a lot between all of everything. When we finally finished we started watching Flight of the Conchords until dinner then we went back and watched Pineapple Express.
I'm just really happy to be around people again.
I'm still sick and it is miserable. I'm just stuffy and sneezy and coughy. It's really gross. I have cough drops and cough syrup and tea and all this shit, why am I not better yet? It's been like two days but I'm really not used to being sick. So poop for that, and on it.
Classes begin tomorrow. Me, Josh, and David are waking up at 6:30 to go stand in line at the bookstore because it hasn't been open all weekend for some stupid reason and only opens tomorrow at 7:30.
I really don't care about getting my books right away to be completely honest, but since Josh and David are waking up really early I want to as well. Things are always more fun when you wake up really ridiculously early especially when it is for no reason at all.
My roommate went to shower and left the TV on some just ridiculously stupid show. I could just get down from bed and turn it off, but I just don't wanna get out of bed. I hate TV.
I still haven't met my new RA and that's depressing. Briana was always around and always had her door wide open so I definitely miss her. We have a hall meeting tomorrow so at least I'll see the new person. I hope she's awesome but right now I'm thinking there can be no way she's as awesome as Briana was.

Saturday

I'm sick for practically the first time all winter. Which is gross.
Well, I was sick earlier. I've eaten a lot of cough drops and I'm feeling a little less congested and germy which is weird and awesome at the same time. Casey just got back-- joy of joys. And I'm watching Mean Girls which is another full of joy thing.

"So.. if you're from Africa, why are you white?"
"Oh my god, Karen, You can't just ask people why they're white."

Ahaha. Simple cures, I guess. I'm probably going to bed early. I'm really excited for tomorrow-- I hope it will be fun with everyone back. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were pretty much me sitting around watching movies, episodes of Psych, Flight of the Conchords, & old presidential inaugeration speeches. And reading The Fountainhead which has pretty much captivated my brain for the time being. I need to fill out my study abroad thing before the 29th & classes begin on the 26th so right now I have absolutely nothing going on right now. Classes Monday but I only have two classes a day for the entire week because my sociology classes got cancelled so it won't be too hard. Or at least I'm hoping as I'm not going to be able to have textbooks probably until at least the second day. Or possibly the first if I feel like waking up early which I probably won't.
I feel gross. Mrar.

halkgkll!

Last night I went out to Minneapolis and hung out with Ryn, Katie, and Paul and one of their other friends who I do not recall what her name was and I was glad when leaving that I asked Paul when his semester at Stout started. . since we both attend Wisconsin colleges that start ages later than everyone else, we were both a bit worried and paranoid that perhaps somehow by some gross amount of failure we were both missing the beginning of our second semester. So we were both reassured by the fact that the other was not at school yet either.

I also had an epiphany. And that was, bubbles through gauges. So tomorrow I've having a day to commemorate it. And it also turns out to be MLK Day. Not MILK day. MLK. God, you people.

I am, how do you say, EXCITED for Monday.

And Thursday I'm moving back to school. I am excited but nervous but all butterflies and kind of sad. I love my dorm and I'm excited to see my friends but I know I'll miss Minnesota too. And Monday the semester begins, so I'm THRILLED to start new classes. I have a really awesome schedule that I'm more than just proud of and I'm excited.. And... I bet spring semester will fly by like fall did, and then it will be summer and I love the summer more than life and anything and everything. I think.

I'm just really antsy and kind of in a weird space now and probably will be until at least the beginning of next semester so I can settle down again. Mrph. Oh well. 

reír

I eat yogurt. I wear a dress. I write sad stories and forget about them.
I'm bad at words, phones, and feelings. I don't like when it snows but when it rains I like to dance outside.
Sometimes I pretend I like the snow just to see what it's like and it really isn't that good. So I will eat it because that's good. The band Astroblast gives me the heebie jeebies and I listen to them sometimes, alone in my room. My stuff's piled everywhere and it feels like I'm leaving and never coming back.
I'm happysad and just kind of curious sometimes, what it would be like.

I like to write and type words, it's the speaking part that trips me up. Other than orally, I love words. I love the way they look, what they do, how they sit there and just wait for someone to come along. Because alone, they're nothing, they mean nothing, they could be anything.

Right now I could be anything, since I'm alone. It's when I'm around other people that I'm me. But not when I'm alone, I could be anything, anyone, anywhere, anyhow. I am all those things. I am ten feet tall and my toenails are blue. My arms are bamboo and I have noodles in my hair, braided and tied neatly with the reddest ribbon you'll evernever see. I smell like peaches and disappointment because I don't know how to make her stop crying, or why she's even doing it to begin with.
She's sitting by the doors, all of them, any of them and being sad and I wish I could make her happy but I can't. She fell asleep on my floor for a little bit, but then a big spider crawled up to her and I told her to move. Not to leave, but that's what she did.
I followed, I guess, but she just cried and cried.

I stood out in the fourteen degrees of it and I told her I loved her. Mi querida, I called her, mi solo, mi amor. Regrese a mi, tu eres triste y queiro verle reír. My legs were cold, dresses aren't good for this weather, but she came back anyways.

I never saw her laugh.
She's asleep and I hope the spiders won't get to her this time.

sunday sunday!

Ryn and I are going to be superstars. We're going to release an album of a capella rap songs and it will be beautiful.
Today was mostly spent brainstorming what to put on our album. We will deal with band practices on a different day.

So far, we are just looking at tracks we may or may not wish to include.
The list so far goes like this:
Low - Flo Rida
International Players Anthem - ??
What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris
Play - David Banner
Gold digger - Kanye West
Air Force Ones - Nelly
99 Problems - Jay Z
I'm a flirt - R Kelly
Get Low - Lil Jon
lollipop - lil wayne
When I grow up - pussycat dolls

.

if you lived on the bus you'd be home by now.

My room is cold, and I am in my room, therefore I am cold. My fingers, the only part of me not under my sleeping bag, are rather disappointed by the turn of events that have lead me here, to this exact spot with these exact feelings, in the here and right now. 

But the rest of me is ok. I still haven't come to terms with the thought that winter ends. Right now it is all I know, all I can remember back to and all I can think of when I look forward. Just the cold, the dead, the stillness and what some might describe as "pristine winter wonderland" but I like to think of white winter hell. Endearingly, of course. (No.)

I don't like the winter. I won't. I can't. It won't.

I hate feeling like this. But sometimes I do. 

My car's dead. Well, the battery is, at least. I don't like to drive but I'd rather be able to have the ability to take myself out when I need to go to the doctor or buy groceries or any little thing instead of having to rely so heavily on other people to be there. 

I just want to go out and go walking barefoot in the summer. But that's like, a million years right now. The years go fast but the days go so slow. It's so weird to think about-- summertime. I'm so happy during it. Sunshine, just lying on the floor in a patch warmed by sunbeams. Usually next to my dog because she knows what's up. I love it. I miss it. This is the part of the winter where it is like, a bit over halfway but to the point where I start to go a little crazy. 

And.. FREE WEEKEND MINUTES ARE THE BEST INVENTION IN THE WORLD. Too bad I have no one to telephone.

the hills are alive!

with the sound of music! 

Today is the 3rd day of 2009. What a promising year so far, three days of just awesome. 

January first consisted of hanging out with Ian in the morningtimes, then with Ryn. We went to Denny's for some reason and then rented Burn After Reading and Planet Terror and watched them while eating sherbet floats. Woo.

January 2nd consisted of a job interview for Camp Warren which I am so incredibly excited for. I really hope I get the job because my life would be magical. After Ryn and I dropped by Becca's house (secretly because her parents weren't home) and then we were off to MOA so Ryn could check her work schedule then we went on a fucked up adventure at the Knollwood Mall which is beyond words but definitely was worth it in a creepy way. Then we bought flowers for Abby and went to hang out with her, then Wanda picked me up and I ate rice at her house and played with Caleb and watched Law and Order SVU. Caleb now says Oh my god, oh my god, and well duh. It is adorable. He still says whatevuh whatevuh I do what I want as well. Silly kiddo. Wanda was trying to get him to leave and he was like, "no, I want to stay and see your friend because I see her and I miss her!" And I was like.. awhhhh. 

Wanda asked me if he loved me and he said yeah. :D 

And today, the third day.. I am going to Dunn Brothers with Jake to do myspace surveys. And it is the weekend so my free weekend minutes have kicked in so I just want to call everyone and talk to them because it is for free! Aiiiie!