Nineteen days 'til my nineteenth birthday. How neat is that? I'm so excited for spring break. I've just been extremely lazy these past coupla weeks. I skipped class today just because I wasn't feelin' the whole going back down the hill. Gross.
It's absolutely beautiful outside, too, loving the weather. So sunny and bright and joyjoyjoy. Why can't it be summer already? I can't wait.
When I went back home last weekend Ryn showed me this TV show called Dexter and now I'm addicted to it. I've been watching it online for so long it isn't even funny. It is about a serial killer who kills serial killers and it is fantastic.
I really have nothing to say, at all. I want summer.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
census 2010.
Today my friend Zac contacted me about an opportunity to work for the US Government in collecting census information. Basically, for census 2010, the Government is hiring in hoards. And usually with quite good pay, to the tune of $11/hour in Eau Claire's case. Not very many people know about it but the census is a HUGELY important thing.
"Census data are used to distribute Congressional seats to states, to make decisions about what community services to provide, and to distribute $300 billion in federal funds to local, state and tribal governments each year." (my understanding is that this equates to the loss of $1,000 for each person (documented or undocumented... "Federal law protects the personal information you share during the census"), each year over the 10 years that this census is used.
(from the email Zac sent out. . . )
This is just a great experience, I'm so excited. The only thing I need to get ahold of is my passport so I can have 2 valid forms of I.D. These sorts of jobs are popping up all over and while they are only temporary, they are probably going to be avaliable throughout the year. I'd write more about it and about the experience and everything, but I have to study. So this is all, for now.
"Census data are used to distribute Congressional seats to states, to make decisions about what community services to provide, and to distribute $300 billion in federal funds to local, state and tribal governments each year." (my understanding is that this equates to the loss of $1,000 for each person (documented or undocumented... "Federal law protects the personal information you share during the census"), each year over the 10 years that this census is used.
(from the email Zac sent out. . . )
This is just a great experience, I'm so excited. The only thing I need to get ahold of is my passport so I can have 2 valid forms of I.D. These sorts of jobs are popping up all over and while they are only temporary, they are probably going to be avaliable throughout the year. I'd write more about it and about the experience and everything, but I have to study. So this is all, for now.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
did ya see the stars last night.
punctuation for a perfect poem. . . ugh.
i don't wanna do anything, ever. it's been so warm here and raining. raining rain raindrops raining rain rain raining. the campus is practically underwater. soggy and delightful, i love it-- don't get me wrong. it's february 10th and i'm already looking forward to may 10th. and may 15th, the day of commencement. then, summer summer times.
lately i've been wandering around watching the lights reflect off the puddles and thinking and smiling and not much else. my work week is done, which is nice, but terrible at the same time as i am almost completely broke and have ten more days until i'm paid. last weekend i spent money, too, which i'm pretty mad at myself about because i have absolutely nothing to spare.
i want to save up at least twenty-five hundo before next august and i really don't think that's going to happen which is shitty as hell because i have this crazy idea in the back of my head to go to germany. a flight there only costs roughly $700 roundtrip, but i at the same time need to save up money for airfare to costa rica, which is also roughly in that range, except for one way. and then i need to save up airfare from costa rica to nicaragua, and then from nicaragua back home. and then for trip expenses and all the like. it's madcrazy and i hate it.
i'm super stressed about being able to find a summer job too. i want to pick up another job on campus, even. my savings is so gone from not having a job over winter break. i have roughly. . . well, nothing. yuck.
i hate thinking about it.
i don't wanna do anything, ever. it's been so warm here and raining. raining rain raindrops raining rain rain raining. the campus is practically underwater. soggy and delightful, i love it-- don't get me wrong. it's february 10th and i'm already looking forward to may 10th. and may 15th, the day of commencement. then, summer summer times.
lately i've been wandering around watching the lights reflect off the puddles and thinking and smiling and not much else. my work week is done, which is nice, but terrible at the same time as i am almost completely broke and have ten more days until i'm paid. last weekend i spent money, too, which i'm pretty mad at myself about because i have absolutely nothing to spare.
i want to save up at least twenty-five hundo before next august and i really don't think that's going to happen which is shitty as hell because i have this crazy idea in the back of my head to go to germany. a flight there only costs roughly $700 roundtrip, but i at the same time need to save up money for airfare to costa rica, which is also roughly in that range, except for one way. and then i need to save up airfare from costa rica to nicaragua, and then from nicaragua back home. and then for trip expenses and all the like. it's madcrazy and i hate it.
i'm super stressed about being able to find a summer job too. i want to pick up another job on campus, even. my savings is so gone from not having a job over winter break. i have roughly. . . well, nothing. yuck.
i hate thinking about it.
Monday, February 9, 2009
OH MY GODDAMN!!!
Another week where I have a lot less to do. My sociology class was canceled once more for the entire week. I'm sad though, it is my favorite class I have this semester. The professor is amazing, I love listening to what he has to say. We've only had 2 class periods but I'm so excited for it to get started.
I am also really into my behavior analysis course. I want to go far through it so I'm working really hard to impress the professor. I even joined this book club that meets every Friday to talk about psychological issues so he'll notice me. I had to buy a thirty dollar book, too. I just really want to be on his good side because if I become one of his research assistants I'll be in love with my life.
The next two days are supposed to be pretty nice. Today it feels like Germany outside, if you minus the snow. It's gorgeous and it's lonely. I can't wait for walking back from work. It will be all misty and lighted and gorgeous and just chilling.
Beautiful.
I am also really into my behavior analysis course. I want to go far through it so I'm working really hard to impress the professor. I even joined this book club that meets every Friday to talk about psychological issues so he'll notice me. I had to buy a thirty dollar book, too. I just really want to be on his good side because if I become one of his research assistants I'll be in love with my life.
The next two days are supposed to be pretty nice. Today it feels like Germany outside, if you minus the snow. It's gorgeous and it's lonely. I can't wait for walking back from work. It will be all misty and lighted and gorgeous and just chilling.
Beautiful.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
goddamn-- i mean goshdarn.
I’m always dumbing up the smart things
And smarting up the dumb things
And knottin’ up my shoe strings
And messing up the good things.
that's exactly how i felt on the bus today. i was talking to casey and then out of nowhere some girl started talking about some TV show and i was like, wow, i have no idea what you are talking about, there's no way i could start up a conversation like that, this is why i don't have friends because this is what people want to talk about and i don't want to talk about that.
this song makes me cry. i just bought it. i couldn't resist.
i'm broke as all hell. but i feel like cloud cult is ok.
god. so worth it. i don't even care.
my roommate is on the futon yesterday and i'm trying not to cry too obviously. i'm done now, i think. god, i don't think so. this album is so beautiful. cloud cult is so beautiful.
i'm so excited for may second when I AM GOING TO SEE THEM AGAIN.
my life is a magical wonderful experience. i guess this is the dream for me.
i've had a really good day.
and i had a really loud outburst at lunch. which is something i'm fond of doing because it reminds me of david because we'd have a lot of loud outbursts together and i miss him because he's a lot further away then i like to think about. and one of my really best friends.
we were talking, and he's going to a similar shy-not making friends stage and not being able to talk about the right stuff.
i like to yell loud and sing and dance and break myself in glee.
i'm really no good at people. at all. and i try really, really hard sometimes. but not enough. i never try enough, because if i did, i'd have something to show. i wouldn't be too scared to talk to beth. i wouldn't be too scared to talk to other interesting people i want to meet.
in my sociology class, i was the first person to volunteer an answer for the entire semester and my teacher constantly refers to me now, saying you guys should all be more like tehya and participate. and he's like, even if you feel shy, you can participate via email.
i'm so shy, but i still sucked it up and answered a question straight away on the very first day. i feel like, how can i do that? it was a horrible experience, it phsyically hurt me to raise my hand, but i knew the answer so it was fine after that.
even though i have so many social issues, i push myself. hard, as i'm starting to realize. i talk to people first because otherwise they'll never notice me & decide to befriend me on their onw. i raise my hand or my teacher will never take any account of me.
ah. ok. well. i'm done with right now.
And smarting up the dumb things
And knottin’ up my shoe strings
And messing up the good things.
that's exactly how i felt on the bus today. i was talking to casey and then out of nowhere some girl started talking about some TV show and i was like, wow, i have no idea what you are talking about, there's no way i could start up a conversation like that, this is why i don't have friends because this is what people want to talk about and i don't want to talk about that.
this song makes me cry. i just bought it. i couldn't resist.
i'm broke as all hell. but i feel like cloud cult is ok.
god. so worth it. i don't even care.
my roommate is on the futon yesterday and i'm trying not to cry too obviously. i'm done now, i think. god, i don't think so. this album is so beautiful. cloud cult is so beautiful.
i'm so excited for may second when I AM GOING TO SEE THEM AGAIN.
my life is a magical wonderful experience. i guess this is the dream for me.
i've had a really good day.
and i had a really loud outburst at lunch. which is something i'm fond of doing because it reminds me of david because we'd have a lot of loud outbursts together and i miss him because he's a lot further away then i like to think about. and one of my really best friends.
we were talking, and he's going to a similar shy-not making friends stage and not being able to talk about the right stuff.
i like to yell loud and sing and dance and break myself in glee.
i'm really no good at people. at all. and i try really, really hard sometimes. but not enough. i never try enough, because if i did, i'd have something to show. i wouldn't be too scared to talk to beth. i wouldn't be too scared to talk to other interesting people i want to meet.
in my sociology class, i was the first person to volunteer an answer for the entire semester and my teacher constantly refers to me now, saying you guys should all be more like tehya and participate. and he's like, even if you feel shy, you can participate via email.
i'm so shy, but i still sucked it up and answered a question straight away on the very first day. i feel like, how can i do that? it was a horrible experience, it phsyically hurt me to raise my hand, but i knew the answer so it was fine after that.
even though i have so many social issues, i push myself. hard, as i'm starting to realize. i talk to people first because otherwise they'll never notice me & decide to befriend me on their onw. i raise my hand or my teacher will never take any account of me.
ah. ok. well. i'm done with right now.
Monday, February 2, 2009
do do do.
i just got back from work
first shift of the semester and i feel like i always do after work
thirstythirstythirstythirsty
like i can't get enough moisture, like my voice is muted and dry and old
like the way your body feels after you run and run and run and run
just exhausted
but in my voice, throat, and mouth.
my tongue feels too big for my mouth it's taking up too much space there
everything is all run together and dry and swollen and tasteless and useless.
its a dull not-pain but still pain. like someday i'm going to get out of work
and realize that i have no voice anymore. like i've given it all away for some minimum wage
something irreplaceable for something with more societal value than personal value.
i wish my mouth could feel.
it feels like everything about me is duller now. maybe i feel less, experience less, live less, bit by bit, fraction by fraction, day by day in portions too small for me to notice until one day i wake up numb.
i really hope not.
first shift of the semester and i feel like i always do after work
thirstythirstythirstythirsty
like i can't get enough moisture, like my voice is muted and dry and old
like the way your body feels after you run and run and run and run
just exhausted
but in my voice, throat, and mouth.
my tongue feels too big for my mouth it's taking up too much space there
everything is all run together and dry and swollen and tasteless and useless.
its a dull not-pain but still pain. like someday i'm going to get out of work
and realize that i have no voice anymore. like i've given it all away for some minimum wage
something irreplaceable for something with more societal value than personal value.
i wish my mouth could feel.
it feels like everything about me is duller now. maybe i feel less, experience less, live less, bit by bit, fraction by fraction, day by day in portions too small for me to notice until one day i wake up numb.
i really hope not.
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