& it took a long time until i came clean with myself~

(i'd come clean out of love with my lover, i still love her, more when she used to be sober and i was kinder. . .)

i'm tired. 

i should just stop all this nonsense and go to bed. i really miss a lot of my friends right now. i haven't really gotten in with a group of people i can really relate to. i've met one girl who i really like, but that's just one. i'm greedy-- always wanting more.

it's gonna take some time, i know.

i'm joining up in all the GSA-type things and all these other things so i can finally meet the losers like me but they don't start until later.

i met a guy who was pretty cool a few days ago, made him salsa dance with me.

but he was too afraid of what other people thought and of being embarrassed to really have any potential as a friend. it was frustrating because i finally coaxed him to dance and he was really getting into it & was really enjoying it... but then he saw all his friends in a corner ready to leave and he left too.

he said he might come back to the actual dance club. but i doubt he will.

i guess i won't be there this sunday so if he is, i won't know.

i don't feel like giving this stranger the benefit of the doubt.

i'm really lonely. & jealous of the other kids who came to school with like an assload of their friends so they're already all just fine. 

but then tomorrow morning i'll be glad to be surrounded by a sea of strangers in a new town in a new place.

"& the next day i'll be somewhere else-- part of me will hate myself and part of me will know that i am pretty cool... the part of me that knows i never cared for being cool."

i've been listening to a lot of kimya dawson lately. just what i'm in the mood for. & everyone who hears it is like, "oh is this the music from juno?"

i also miss people who share my taste in music for hella.

ok. i feel better.

peace.