I never really have anything to say exactly.

I'm back from Matty Pop Chart & Kimya Dawson. It was a lot of fun.

Today has been really good. But kind of sad just because for some reason I'm thinking it's the last day I'm gonna see David before he moves on Tuesday. I guess it was gonna be, but now he's coming to Dunn Brothers with me and Jake tomorrow at 6:30 in the morning. Me and Jake are going to there to do myspace surveys together because we enjoy passing our time in such a manner and now it appears that David will be coming along too.

I'm actually pretty glad because it was really weird saying goodbye to him. He's a really close friend and he's been less than a mile away as far as I can remember. I'm really bad at saying goodbye and most of the time I'd rather just walk away without saying anything at all. I'm not worried that we're going to not be friends or anything because we've been friends for so long it isn't like we're going to drift apart or anything, I'll see him again sometime later, I know it. And I'm really happy he's going because that's such an awesome thing. When I hugged him goodbye and hopped in my car to go to the bus stop I actually had to hold back tears. I've kind of been crying a lot today, even during the concert. It was weird because me and Ryn were both in crying moods so we're just sitting there in tears and it was weird because it wasn't like I was in a bad mood, just a tears mood. 

I'm still kinda in a tears mood even though this has been a really good day and tomorrow will be even better because I'm waking up really stupidly early to go to stupid things with Jake and David, then going to see Ian in Saint Paul. And Sunday I'm going to see Ally in Minneapolis. So this weekend is a lot of driving which I don't like, but it is also a lot of friends and singing loudly in my car, which I do enjoy greatly.

It probably doesn't help my mood that I've had a raging headache the past two days. I think my head is going to explode. But I'm still in a really good mood.

I had to go to the mall of america today to meet Ryn there after she got off work and it was pretty terrible because of black friday which I forgot about until arriving. I don't like people. 

I like my dog and my bed and making cookies and stir fry and when Ryn buys Becca yellow flowers because that's her favorite color. I personally rather despise yellow but I like that Becca likes it because I like her. 

skyskyskyskyskysky!

so turns out i really dig writing about things i like.

i'm going to do that again sometime, maybe today.

i was walking back from art class and kind of feeling like an ant in the whole waking life view of things where i was like, i'm just doing the necessarily things to keep the colony happy i'm not being human at all.

and i was getting a bit frustrated. but then i bought some kid a coke and asked for the rewards cap, and then just bullshitted for a while with him and it was interesting.

he didn't give me the "you're batshit, lady" look, either, so i was actually pretty pleased. he said he'd straight up collect for me too. i don't think i'll ever see him again but the gesture is appreciated. he seemed to really go for my whole "autopilot" talk too, which is always nice when someone gets ya. he was a neato kid. would speak to again.

probably won't ever see again.

shame, this huge university place sometimes.

have i mentioned that i'm inlove with cloud cult recently?

i want to die with love. right now.

ally gave me "feel good ghosts" and "advice from the happy hippopotamus" today. so that totals three cloud cult CDs in one day.

faaack. i'm inlove. with an entire group of people. 

oh goodness. 

i think i'm going to make another list of things i like.

- i like journey of the featherless by cloud cult.

i like staying up really stupidly late just being around people and smiling and happy. 

i like my art 106 teacher's projects, they blew my mind when she told them about us today. i like watching movies that are really good. i like listening to music when the people making it are really cutesy, like paul baribeau, matty pop chart, & especially cloud cult. i like when people smell like orange juice. i like realizing how happy i truly am. i like reading stephen king. i like having to come to the realization that i'm a huge creep. i like wearing purple and green together. i like when girls have longish brown-auburn hair that has that perfect amount of curl. i like trying to teach myself to play guitar and really not getting anywhere but still being happy about it because it has only been two days so i have time.

i make long rambles with my words but i am ok with it.

i got a raise at work today, hurray for twenty-five cents more. i kind of want to quit and not come back to it next semester but my boss like, practically begged me not to go. and my job is easy and i'm going to make more money doing it and i just sit and color basically.

one more semester won't kill me, neh?

i should just quit. but i can't. 

i'm really a huge pushover. sorry guys.

this is the dance that brings the dead to the living. . .

i hated high school. so much, so incredibly much.

i can't believe it, looking back on it. and then looking back to middle school, which was far worse. 

this year has been the best. i can't even begin to comprehend or compare it, looking back on high school. i'm so glad to be out of there, i'm so glad.

i never have to go back, either. never.

this is like, endless summer vacation.

i guess this comes into my head because i've been sort of getting into my weird winter funk where i'm just in an insatiable mood-- ornery and argumentative and just straight up bitter. but then i thought back to last year and everything then, and junior year, and freshman year, and sophomore year, and 8th grade, and 7th grade and how inexplicably horrid that was-- i'm so much better off. 

there's so much wrong with high school that i can't even begin to express and go on about right now. i was talking with my friend casey here and was practically in tears about it and just everything. i think that's winter coming in too.

i feel really bad whenever i get this way because i'm not happy like this.

i don't know what's wrong but when i figure it out i guess i'll fix it.

i saw cloud cult monday night.

the song " the dance of the dead " makes me cry. i've been listening to them all day because ian lent me enough money to buy the meaning of eight. i'm so in love with this CD and with cloud cult and oh man. i don't know the words. i'm pretty sure i don't know what i would be doing if i couldn't be listening to cloud cult all day long.

david lent me his twelve-string too, which i'm pretty psyched about. i prefer a six string like hella, but whatever, its not like i'm any good at guitar seeing as i'm teaching myself and i've had this guitar all of one day. 

but it is just so much fun.

i think it will make it easier to get through this winter thing, except i'm going to have to give it back over thanksgiving i think, because that's when he's going to germany. but i still have my paints (watercolor and acrylic), pencils, and charcoal so that's always just a sensational blast. i wonder if my roommate even expects for me to be in here with the lights on.

i sit around with the lights off painting  or playing guitar or yo-yoing far too often to be normal, but i am a-ok with that.

by this time next week, i will be home. i am incredibly pumped. i like college quite greatly, i'm just really bad at making friends and this whole winter-issue is really making me bum about that a lot recently and i'm going to happy to be around family and friends again for sure. i miss my dog so much, i can't wait to see her again. when i said goodbye to her before i left for college, i cried. what is that?

i didn't cry at all saying goodbye to anyone else or anything else-- i wasn't even homesick at all going to college. but saying goodbye to doggy sucked.

i miss her. 

i don't miss high school.

i like ripe strawberries and i love new music.

i like making lists of things i like so i think i will do that now, right here. is that appropriate? yes. yes it is, it is my blog, i make the rules.

i like:

when i wake up in the morning and i feel really good and happy and the sun is shining. i like the seafoam green crayons and i remember when at applebee's we had to buy kid's crayons from target and i took all the seafoam ones home. i like talking to ally on skype because i can talk about anything with her and say anything and i kind of have a hard time opening up to a lot of people. i like walking to just local and talking to the people working there because they're always really nice and it makes me feel better even when i'm having a bad day. i like showing people i like places that i like, and like it when they like 'em. i like when people understand what i'm saying, not just say they do so they can have their turn to talk, but really understand even if they don't really care. i like when the people i want to kiss want to kiss me back. i like digging around in the dark. i like when people make poop jokes because c'mon people quit being so grown up and serious- poop is funny(: i like meeting really wonderful wonderful people and when they think i'm neat too even though there's no way i'm in any way comparable to them. i like words-- what they do, how to say them, how they look on paper or on a computer screen! i like e. e. cummings poetry and if you're unfamiliar with it i think you should read some right now. i like subtly referencing poetry, books, music, and movies throughout my every day conversation. i like when i remember that it is eleven eleven so i make a wish on time. i like human bodies - i want to paint them and paint on them and just touch and explore and feel and know them in a way that is not at all creepy i promise. i like going through the trash and finding coke rewards. i like being in a group of strays. i like singing as i walk around. i like eating orange juice concentrate. i like writing letters and i like getting them but if i don't get them i don't really care just because i like writing them so much! i like making eye contact with strangers and holding it a bit too long. i like smiling except for when its cold out because my jaw always freezes weird and it hurts really bad but i do it anyways. i like drinking grape juice at the caf with casey. i like wearing skirts in the summer and i like pants when it is cold. i like being barefoot. i like crunching the crispy leaves. i like it when people are happy. i like when i can see the stars. i like going to parks in the middle of the night in the summer when it isn't cold but even when it is really cold i usually don't mind too much because i like parks that much. i like large bodies of water. i like rings but i can never wear them because i just take them off my fingers and lose them. i like to learn. i like drawing maps to places even if they're not really to scale or anything, especially when i give them to people to find somewhere secret. i like the ravine, and come to think of it i haven't thought about it in quite a while and i really miss it and i will go back over the summer or in the spring again. i like circles. i like when people talk to me first so i don't have to start awkward conversation. i like when teachers know my name in class. i like art 106 a lot, more than any of my other classes and i'm actually going to be very sad when it ends because i honestly look forward to it. i like when people stand up for me because i'm really kind of a pushover i'm beginning to realize. i like edgar degas. i like knowing my way around places. i like twirling when i get the urge to twirl even if i'm just walking by myself and i probably look weird. i like explosions in the sky. i like when i feel pretty. i like making lists a whole lot but i think i'm done for today. i like ice cream, even when its winter out because i'm not going to let the cold ruin my ice-cream joy! i like when it isn't christmas season because i don't like to hear christmas music when it is out of my control. i like coloring books with cats inside. i like tinsel a whole lot. i like how i thought i was done earlier but turns out i like a lot of stuff.

this is an incredibly long post. but i have a lot to say sometimes and it looks like today is one of those days. 

i have a lot more likes, maybe for a different day. 

i miss talking a lot to people. i feel chatty. 

ok. 

Well yeah.

I just had a wonderful, wonderful Tuesday.

Beyond belief or realization. Usually my Tuesday suck really big, so it was a really nice change. I have tickets to go see Cloud Cult at UW-Stout next Monday but I can't find anyone to take my shift from me at work. Tonight is pretty much my last shot, so I'm going to probably straight up beg everyone working tonight or see if anyone will possibly take even half my shift because I work until nine and the show starts at eight.

Sure, there's an opening band, so maybe even when I get off work at nine I'll still be able to catch them. It takes twenty minutes to go to UW-Stout though, so I'd arrive at 9:20? Probably miss part of the show, but I guess anything is better than absolutely nothing.

I hope David actually can come because otherwise there's no way I'll be able to go. I'm really excited because hopefully he'll be done with his math then too. And if he comes up he's lending me his twelve string guitar. I miss guitars bad. I wish it was just a regular one because the twelve strings kinda freak me out sometimes but hey, beggars can't be choosers. 

I'm listening to The Trapeze Swinger by Iron & Wine, mentally readying myself to go down to lower campus with a book and stop by and turn in my study abroad application, perhaps buy myself a cup of tea and then possibly go read and relax in one of the lounge rooms and then go to art class where we're working on watercolor paintings. I'm painting this skyline of Saint Paul and the Mississippi River down by Harriet Island from a picture my mom took. Minnesota is so beautiful.

It is absolutely wild to think that next year, I could(will?) be in Costa Rica. In case you were wondering, world, that's why I have a huge smile walking up and down the hill in the sleet when the rest of you are all frowny and shivery. 

I should probably go to sleep.

But I'm awake because of an art history paper. Well, rough draft, I guess. But unfinished, none the e less. Tomorrow we have to bring in a draft of our position essay regarding the ownership of antiquities for a peer review session so I guess I better get that done.

I'm not really feeling writing it right now though, so I'll probably just wake up really early and slip that in. I know where I'm going in the essay and everything so I'm really not that worried about it. If it sucks it doesn't really matter -- its officially due the day before Thanksgiving Break and I'll have plenty of time to do that.

This weekend I saw the play Flowers for Algernon back at the ol' PLHS. It was wonderful, I enjoyed it so greatly. And I'm not just saying that because some of the kiddos who were in it also happen to read this little thing, I truly mean it. I throughly, throughly enjoyed it although I must say it is quite strange to watch a play from the position of an onlooker and having nothing to do with anything in the play. I miss theatre so much, I was thinking about it a few days ago and that's practically how I met all the people I'm friends with these days. 

I made up my mind a few weeks ago to join theatre in college and I'm really going to try and get involved in that. I can't be away from it! It's a wonderful addiction of mine, I guess.

On Saturday, I ate an egg with two yolks. Double the embryos for me! That egg was magic and made me magic for as long as I stayed awake after eating it.

I woke up today, my first full day of being unmagic and found out I was sick. Sunday night I went to bed at 9:30- I slept until around 10:30 this morning! Thirteen hours! Then I slept some more from 11:00 until noon. So fourteen! 

I am a sickness vanquishing machine!

I think I might just wake up early and continue the dreaded paper later.

And it isn't sleeping, not while I'm vanquishing the sick! So I guess I can call myself productive in that sense.

Peace.