do do do.

i just got back from work
first shift of the semester and i feel like i always do after work
thirstythirstythirstythirsty
like i can't get enough moisture, like my voice is muted and dry and old
like the way your body feels after you run and run and run and run
just exhausted
but in my voice, throat, and mouth.
my tongue feels too big for my mouth it's taking up too much space there
everything is all run together and dry and swollen and tasteless and useless.

its a dull not-pain but still pain. like someday i'm going to get out of work
and realize that i have no voice anymore. like i've given it all away for some minimum wage
something irreplaceable for something with more societal value than personal value.

i wish my mouth could feel.
it feels like everything about me is duller now. maybe i feel less, experience less, live less, bit by bit, fraction by fraction, day by day in portions too small for me to notice until one day i wake up numb.

i really hope not.